i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
