I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
