oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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