NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
