The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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