the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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