Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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