somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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