I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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