Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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