Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
