The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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