It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize