He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize