end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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