Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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