$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
In America we eat man semen.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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