We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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