do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
