Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
did i walk over a car last night?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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