I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
