doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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