I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
