I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
