Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
