Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize