Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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