We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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