with your own penis?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
