I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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