im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
