i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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