Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
