I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
