So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
from now on my penis is your penis
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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