you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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