Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
