Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
