And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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