something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
