we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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