I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
