I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize