im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
