Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
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