My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
