Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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