She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
