Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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