I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
