I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
