how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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