I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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