I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
