Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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