we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
