Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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