Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
