you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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