had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
