why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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