I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
