i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
