This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
