i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize