I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
