when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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