i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
