I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
