i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
