that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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