I cockslap morals
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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