You work out of a Hotel?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
