i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
