Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
