Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My butt remains clenched, sir.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
