He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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