we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
