i can't believe i had my finger in that
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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