i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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