Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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