We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize