yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
