Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
