i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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