i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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