but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
