if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
