I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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