508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
