He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
