I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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