I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
