you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
