Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
