I accidentally had phone sex last night
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just cropdusted the office
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
